孔夫子
首先第一步,分析原文(包括作者意图,读者对象,原文文本类型,语言特色等); 第二,分析译文(译者为什么要这样译);第三,原文与译文的对比分析(代表性部分对比),第二步和第三步中可以使用适当理论做支撑;第四,评价译文质量;第五,评价译文在译语文化中的价值。以上步骤并非要一个不落,关键在于有理有据,达到鉴赏评价的目的。 下面对辛弃疾《青玉案·元夕》的三个译本进行赏析。 丁祖馨译: East winds blow. Lanterns glow Like thousands of trees blossoming, Like thousands of stars falling. Gay hung horses, Heavy carriages, Back and forth, Carrying lovely ladies, And their sweet scent All along the road. Phoenix flutes pipe, Jade lanterns glitter, Dances and songs all around, Throughout the night. They’re everywhere, With their gilt willow strings, Their moth-shaped pins, Giggling, chattering, Their scent sneaking. But where is she? I search the crowd Over and over: Nowhere. And then, I turn round, Suddenly, there, in a quiet place, There she is. 张炳星译: During the night the east wind blew open thousands of silver flowers, And blew down fireworks like stars and raindrops on the floor. Painted carriages and precious horses bustled to and fro, While fragrance filled the road. Sweet music was played high, and a bright moon hang in the sky. Fish-like and dragon-like lanterns danced merrily the whole night. Pretty women wore ornaments in their heads of various kinds. They chatted cheerfully and laughed heartily, Leaving secret fragrance behind. In the crowd for a thousand times, I failed to look for my love. Suddenly she turned her head and appeared in the corner, Where lights were sparse and somber. 许渊冲译: One night’s east wind adorns a thousand trees with flowers And blows down stars in showers. Fine steeds and carved cabs spread fragrance en route, Music vibrates from the flute, The moon sheds its full light While fish and dragon lanterns dance all night. In gold-thread dress, with moth or willow ornaments, Giggling, they melt into the throng with trails of scents. But in the crowd once and again I look for her in vain. When all at once I turn my head, I find her there where lantern light is dimly shed. 二、赏析 幼安绝大多数词作,豪放大气,艰难困苦之中更见高格。此词感情抒发上比较平缓,上片写热闹场面,下片写年轻女子盛装游玩。最后笔锋一转,“众里寻他千百度,蓦然回首,那人却在灯火阑珊处”,境界全出。全词节奏缓慢,深情款款,别具一格。 本文选择了丁祖馨、张炳星、许渊冲三人的英译,以下分别称“丁译”、“张译”、“许译”。 中国古典诗词英译首先要传达基本意思。在词牌名的翻译上,三位译者采取了不同的方式。要说丁译在词牌的翻译上,可能要照顾外国读者,把词牌处理为拼音,然后用“To the tune”,表明其词的性质。那么,他把“元夕”译为“on the night of the first full moon”,则是细致解释。张译把词牌名直接省去,倒也不为过;许译则想要完整传达原汁原味的中国文化,把词牌和词名都按照其本意处理。三位译者都把正文的意思表述了出来。不同之处在于,丁译在上片有增译的情况,“宝马雕车香满路”一句,丁译增加了“Carrying lovely ladies, And their sweet scent”来作解释说明,使得意思上更加完整;张译和许译更偏直接译出,未作解释。“更吹落、星如雨”一句,丁译和张译要比许译表达的更为清晰些。 在形式和韵律上,丁译长短有致,基本两句一韵,和原文结构暗合,颇具动感;张译则上片前三句用头韵,下片最后两句用尾韵,开合有度。有时拆分原文,有时合并原文,译文整体架构显得丰满,传情达意更加顺畅;许译照顾韵律的同时,也注意把握形式,达到效果较好。